Imperfection
by Ontogenesis
Summary: A mostly introspective story written in Fai's POV and set after the events of Chapitre 120. How will Fai cope, and what is Kurogane's reaction? Spoiler Alert.


Title: Imperfection.  
Pairing: KuroFai.  
Disclaimer: These two were hatched from the collective brain of CLAMP. Not mine.  
Spoilers: **YES.** Do NOT read if you don't follow the latest Japanese installments. Huge spoilers for Chapitre 120.  
Rating: Teen.   
Status: Complete.   
Why: Because I couldn't wait for the next installment. :crosses fingers: Play nice, CLAMP.  
Feedback: always appreciated and greedily devoured.

* * *

He had never considered the possibility of disfigurement.

Slowly, Fai exhaled and leaned back against the wall. The curtains of the window next to his bed were drawn, so light poured in through the window and threw itself against Sakura's hand mirror. Fai watched with mild interest as the captured light spattered violently across the walls as he wobbled the mirror idly.

As the king's chief wizard, Fai had been obligated to spend a considerable amount of his time on the battlefield, so he had lived and worked with soldiers, some of whom had suffered all manner of insult and injury to their physical bodies. Yet the possibility that he could someday too share the fate of a common soldier had never crossed his mind. He fully expected his death to be either one that was fast and hideous – perhaps a curse that burned him from inside out – or a death that fell fast and mercifully like a rain of lightning.

This was logical: of the very select few on Celes capable of killing him, each knew better than to deal him an injury that was anything less than complete death. And of those select few, there was only one Fai let close, close enough to touch, close enough to hurt. Fai well knew, however, that _he_ would have never entertained the idea of maiming his wizard. Ashura collected beautiful things, and Fai was his favorite beautiful thing. The king also spent a ridiculous amount of money ordering elaborate custom-designed outfits for him, usually in wholly impractical colors for the muddy snow of Celes - blues and whites -- because such favored Fai's coloring. Once, early in Fai's service to Ashura, Fai had protested the gift of an exquisitely embroidered overcoat; he'd felt uncomfortable accepting a coat whose value was probably greater than all the farmsteads of his old village combined. Ashura had smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and replied that he didn't put cheap frames on his paintings either. Fai hadn't minded the comparison to the wondrous collection that adorned Ashura's throne-room; he didn't care what terms Ashura thought of him in as long as Ashura continued to give him the affection he craved.

No, his face had never been in danger from Ashura. Ashura preferred emotional wounds; they were far more useful and entertaining.

Fai had failed, however, to factor in the risk of allowing a boy who wasn't real inside. When he had first met Syaoran-kun, he'd known just as well as the Time Dimension Witch that the frightened boy kneeling on her lawn was no more than a construct with a spark of life granted him for unknown purposes. No, the boy wasn't real, but the pain on the boy's face was real, and his love for the dying princess he clutched was real. Somehow, somewhere along the journey, the realness of boy's feelings had begun to thaw his frozen emotions.

A wistful smile flickered across Fai's face, and he returned the hand mirror to his bed stand. He certainly hadn't intended to develop maternal feelings for a wayward shell of a boy and a princess with no memory: partially out of self-protection, partially because the few people he'd ever dared care about tended to be worse off for his caring. On Celes, eventually he'd had to settle for the blind affections of his transmuted kitty and the loaded affections of his distant king. A shudder ran down Fai's spine as he thought of the inevitable reunion with Ashura – he could feel long, cool elegant fingers tracing across his face, a look of disapproval on his king's face as he clucked his tongue at his foolish wizard and swept away the bulky bandages from his powerless, vacant eye socket. Fai was his property, and Ashura did not like his property damaged.

It was odd, though, that even with his injury, he could only think about Ashura's reaction. He wondered what his natural reaction would be if there were no Ashura, on Celes or any other world. Even the loss of half of his power was only a matter of concern because it meant his death would come much more quickly when Ashura awakened. Back in his youth, the loss would have upset him deeply since it would have limited his experiments, but as an adult he had not enjoyed his magic: there were very few spells left in his reserves that did not taste like blood in his mouth.

The door to the room opened and shut quietly, but Fai did not look up as Kurogane entered the room. There was a metallic squeak as the coils of Kurogane's bed sagged under his solid weight. Kurogane had his own room but had insisted on moving his bed into Fai's room, presumably in order to monitor him. Fai hadn't protested, supposing it natural for the displaced ninja to seek a substitute princess to spy upon and scold and shepherd. He was fine with the role as long as he didn't have to get out of bed or do anything, and he hadn't noticed Kurogane staring at his face yet.

Fai couldn't remember exactly how long he had been recovering in this room; he only precisely remembered the last two days. All the other days blurred together with only a few recollections of concerned faces hovering over him: Sakura often, Mokona frequently, and Kurogane always, scowling and hovering in the background if someone else was present, leaning close over him if no one else was in the room. Once - Syaoran. That time was bad. Fai vaguely recalled reaching out to a tearful Syaoran but then jerking back, suddenly fearing that he was terribly mistaken and it was really the _other _Syaoran, who had found the left eye so delicious that he had returned for its partner. Still weak and feverish, Fai's only available defense had been to curl into a protective ball, arms wrapped around his head while Kurogane clapped a hand on Syaoran's shoulder and gently ushered the boy from the room. Syaoran hadn't been back since, and Fai felt both glad and guilty. Glad because he knew he wasn't ready to face Syaoran yet, but guilty because he knew the boy would never be able to forgive himself if he didn't receive explicit forgiveness first. Maybe even then not.

But at least the boy had Sakura and Mokona to watch over him, and Fai assumed they would prevent him from slitting his wrists as a penance or something equally horrible. At least until Fai could look at Syaoran and give him a smothering hug (just like Mommy should) without an involuntary shudder betraying his fear.

Kurogane grunted in disapproval, and Fai glanced up to see Sakura's mirror, looking absurdly small in the ninja's large hand. Kurogane's heavy brows were furrowed in displeasure as if he'd captured a despised enemy, and Fai wondered if Kurogane would break the mirror. That would be an amusing diversion.

Instead, Kurogane tossed the mirror aside and fixed his intense, red eyes on _him, _not bothering to disguise that he was unabashedly staring at Fai Fai resisted the urge to turn and face the wall as he was suddenly struck by the realization that he very desperately _did_ want the ninja to find him attractive. Although he'd been a fastidious dresser from childhood, Fai had never been obsessed with his physical appearance before: men and women alike usually found him beautiful. He'd taken that for granted, even with Kurogane. Kurogane complained constantly about his personality, but Fai had caught the ninja surreptitiously sizing him up on several occasions, which he enjoyed immensely. He didn't want Kurogane to size him up now, though. Kurogane was perfect. He was not.

"It's _him_, isn't it? The one you're running from," Kurogane said finally, bracing his arms on his knees as he leaned towards Fai. In that posture, Kurogane's large frame closed up most of the narrow distance between their beds, and Fai wanted to shrink back.

"You don't care about yourself; you never have. You don't care about your face or your magic. You're just worried that he's going to be angry with you for letting yourself get hurt. But if he were worth the bother you wouldn't have run from him in the first place."

Fai gave Kurogane a small, sad smile. What could he say? It was mostly true. Except he didn't want Kurogane to be angry with him either.

The ninja leaned even closer. "If _he_ has any damn sense, he wouldn't be angry. You did what you had to, instead of running away. This--" Kurogane reached out and brushed his fingers against Fai's left cheek, tracing under the bandages. "--it isn't ugly at all," Kurogane finished, his voice suddenly husky and low. Kurogane's breath was warm against Fai's face, and Fai shivered, fearful that Kurogane would peel the bandages off and change his mind.

But Kurogane's fingers slid down to his chin and gently tipped his face up. Then Fai felt the ninja's lips cover his, soft and hesitant and sincere. It was nothing like Ashura's kissing. Ashura executed everything perfectly, including his kisses, with utmost assurance that this was yet another task at which he was master. No, Kurogane was nothing like his king, Fai thought, and relaxed and leaned into the embrace.

Kurogane seemed to take this as permission, and he renewed the kiss with intensity, pushing harder against Fai, then slipping his tongue inside Fai's mouth. Fai's mind skipped and he completely forgot about Ashura; there was only Kurogane and his very sincere tongue which was sincerely driving him insane. Fai buried his fingers in Kurogane's dark hair and slid off his bed so he could press his body against the ninja, wanting to be as close as possible to him. Kurogane's body was incredibly warm, radiating heat through Fai's own body. The accumulated tenseness in Fai's muscles began to melt away and he sighed in pleasure.

Kurogane glided a hand down to the curve of Fai's back and he started rubbing gently, and Fai knew then he would never be satisfied until the ninja had touched every single inch of him. He was just going to have to convince Kurogane to take advantage of him, right here and now. Fai felt cheerfully confident that he was up to the task.

"Kuro-puu-puu! Where are youuuu!" Mokona's high-pitched voice increased in volume as its owner ascended the stairs (in little bounces, Fai imagined.) "Mokona bets he's doing something naughty! He's such a baaad puppy!"

Fai felt a rumbling sensation on his lips and blinked in confusion, then realized that Kurogane was actually_ growling_ through the kiss. Fai couldn't help it and he started to laugh, breaking the kiss and earning a half-hearted glare from the ninja.

"You're such a dumbass." Kurogane shook his head, but there was affection in his tone and Fai thought he sounded rather happy (for Kurogane.) Fai smiled; he had never known that "dumbass" could be utilized as a term of endearment or that yes, a person _could_ actually growl through a kiss. Eagerly, Fai wondered what else Kurogane would teach him.

"I'll be back later, after I'm done with these morons." Kurogane jerked his chin towards the door as he stood up, reluctantly removing his hands from Fai.

Fai flopped onto Kurogane's bed and stretched out suggestively. "That sounds like a _threat_, Kuro-mon. Maybe I'll lock the door."

Kurogane flashed him a sharp grin, full of teeth. "It won't make a difference to me." He yanked the door open rapidly and snatched Mokona up in a swift motion as the creature fell into the room. Then he slammed the door shut behind him. Fai grinned as he listened to Mokona's delighted shrieks about torture, which punctuated Kurogane's exaggerated stomps down the stairs.

He hadn't considered these possibilities either.

* * *


End file.
